Average Page Rating: 5 (2 votes)
Ugh. This page took 52 hours to render. :(
Does the action in the middle work? Is it clear what's happening? Let me know your thoughts in the comments.
EDIT: I've cranked the brightness in panels 2-5 and adjusted the onomatopoeias so the action is hopefully clearer. These four panels were already a batshit amount of work. I'm very hesitant to edit them further.
EDIT 2: Adjusted panel 5 again to add some action lines and to make it clear that Derringer is throwing a punch.
Original page attached below for comparison.
22nd Jul 2021, 3:26 PM
Kinda? It looks like she used an electric whip, he grabbed it and reversed the charge to her?
22nd Jul 2021, 6:40 PM
He’s grabbing the whip, pulling her towards him, and then punching her. I think I need to rework these panels.
22nd Jul 2021, 7:12 PM
Huh? I thought Blackout was out two pages ago.
But at least they are alive.
The action: Tbh, I didn't really notice the whip, I thought she sent some electrical charge through the air. But then the "Grab" made it clear that he had something grab on, pulled her and "Wham"ed her :D And then I "found" the whip. :-)
22nd Jul 2021, 9:26 PM
I've updated panels 2-5. Let me know if it’s better, worse.
23rd Jul 2021, 6:40 AM
Yes! IMHO much better!
Before, I couldn't tell what was going on in Panels 3 to 5 by the pure looks, but with the onomatopoeias(?) and panel 1 it was not too difficult to piece together. But now it's clear and visible. Especially panel4, Blackout's blur indicates movement in about horizontal direction and the "PULL" tells why and in what direction.
24th Jul 2021, 4:18 PM
This isn’t exactly what I had in mind. But I’ve already sunk a lot of time into these panels, it’s time to move on.
24th Jul 2021, 7:06 PM
for me, panels 2,3,4&5 were dark and unintelligible
22nd Jul 2021, 10:43 PM
I'am a Redguard!
Agreed, it needs to be brighter so you can see what's going on. I assume you were going for Speed Lines with the blurred images as well?
23rd Jul 2021, 2:57 AM
I've updated these panels. Let me know if it's better, worse.
23rd Jul 2021, 6:38 AM
Still really dark.
23rd Jul 2021, 5:41 PM
Blackout is using her “blackout” powers, so it has to be dark. My original concept was that the panels would be entirely black except for the lightning and onomatopoeias.
That idea was insane and absolutely did not work.
It’s dark, but is it incomprehensible? Thanks!
23rd Jul 2021, 6:06 PM
pure character render without environment could work in this scenario... add black background later in post...
and both versions of the page look OK on my monitor... brighter version is better ofc...
23rd Jul 2021, 6:36 PM
That's not a bad idea actually. For whatever reason I didn't think of that. Oops.
24th Jul 2021, 10:57 AM
You should have shown the actual punch. Not incomprehensible, but lacking some context.
23rd Jul 2021, 9:59 PM
I've updated panel 5 again. Is it clearer now?
24th Jul 2021, 9:59 AM
Great comic! I love the colors and the Text effect. Good natural looking posing. This is a serious amount of work your doing here.
24th Jul 2021, 12:21 PM
24th Jul 2021, 12:43 PM
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